What an obituary is
An obituary does two jobs at once. It tells the community that someone has died and when the service will be — and it tells, in a few paragraphs, the story of who they were. Most appear on the funeral home's website, some in a newspaper, and many families set a version inside the program as well, where it becomes a keepsake.
It helps to know what an obituary is not. It is not the eulogy — that is spoken at the service, and can be longer and more personal. And it is more than a death notice, which is only the announcement and the service details. An obituary sits between the two: brief enough to publish, full enough that a stranger reading it would understand what the person meant to the people around them.
What usually goes in
- The announcement — their full name, age, the place they called home, and the date they died.
- The name people knew — a nickname sits in quotation marks between the first and last name: Margaret "Peggy" Hale.
- The story of their life — where they grew up, the work they did, and the things they genuinely loved. This is the heart of it.
- The people they loved — who survives them, and who they were reunited with in memory; names and relationships, in a settled order.
- The service details — date, time, and place, or a line saying the family will gather privately.
- A closing line, if you wish — thanks to caregivers, or where a donation may be made in their memory.
A shape that works
Most obituaries settle into five short paragraphs, in this order:
- The announcement — name, age, home, and date, in a single sentence.
- Their early life — where and when they were born, family, school, and how their path began.
- Their life in full — work, marriage, the places they lived, and what they loved doing most. One true detail, like the garden they tended for forty years, says more than a list of accomplishments.
- Their family — survived by, and preceded by, each name checked with the family.
- The service details, and any closing line of thanks or remembrance.
Write it the way they lived. If they were funny, one warm line of their humour belongs there. If they were quiet and steady, the obituary can be too. Plain words, warmly meant, always read true — there is no need for formal phrases the family would never say aloud.
Words you can borrow
The first sentence is usually the hardest. Any of these openings can carry it, and every line here is yours to use or change:
"Margaret 'Peggy' Hale, 82, of [city], died peacefully on [date], with her family beside her."
"[Name], who filled every room he entered with music, died on [date] at the age of [age], surrounded by the people he loved."
"It is with great love that the family of [name] announces her death on [date], at [place], after a life generously lived."
For the family paragraph and the closing line:
"She is survived by her husband of fifty years, [name]; her children, [names]; and her grandchildren, who knew her simply as [name]."
"The family thanks the staff of [place] for the gentleness and dignity of their care."
"In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in her memory to [cause], which meant a great deal to her."
The practical part
- Length — 200 to 400 words suits most families. The funeral home's website usually has no limit; newspapers charge by the line, and a longer notice can run to several hundred dollars, so many families publish a short version in print and the full one online.
- Deadlines — print editions often close a day or two ahead. If the obituary should appear before the service, ask the paper for its deadline first and write to that.
- The photograph — choose one the family loves, not necessarily the most recent or the most formal. It will sit beside their name for a long time.
- Names are everything — every name, date, and spelling should be confirmed against a document rather than memory, and the family list read once more by someone a step outside the immediate family. A missed name is the error families feel longest; fresh eyes catch what tired ones cannot.
- Read it aloud once — an obituary is often read at a tender hour. Anything that sounds wrong spoken will feel wrong on the page.
When you are ready
An obituary often lives on inside the order of service, where guests take it home and keep it. If you are preparing the program as well, our guide to wording a funeral program continues from here. Solace Paper makes order of service programs — templates you can edit yourself, and programs we prepare for you, checked letter by letter. The collection opens soon at our Etsy shop.